Just some thoughts....

Just some of my thoughts...this is super private, so to those reading (yes, all both of u), please stop...thanks.

Well, summer school is over...just finished my final last friday, and i think i did very good. So far, computer science was one of the most fun classes i've taken...i had fun during (most) of the lectures - i was interested in about 80% of the material. This was the first class that i considered majoring in.

Now that i'm doing almost nothing right now, I have to get my L and N, and then get a job.

Yesterday I dumbell dropped on my foot at the gym, and in less than 2 minutes it was completely swollen...I went to the hospital to get it checked (it took FOUR friggin hours just to get it x-rayed (went there at 9, finished at 1 am), but luckily it was just bruised, no fractures or broken bones. The nurse and my dad called me "dumb" for not wearing shoes in teh gym (i CHOSE not to wear shoes, b/c deadlifts are better without any soles/platforms on). The dumbell rolled off the bench press chair...it could've happened to anyone >=/. My dad told my sister afterwards about the incident, leaving out the details, letting her also thing i was "dumb". I swear, i think they're just jumping on the opportunity to call me dumb b/c, well, let's face it, when can they EVER call me that? It's absurd >=/. My sister keeps telling me to get my L, get ur N, get your license...w/e. She keeps putting pressure on me, and I know it's b/c of her selfish wants and to pick at me where I have no experience in. I swear, once I get my L and N, my sister is gonna go "ON NOES, you're too well-rounded!" such bullshit sometimes. The only reason I could think of to get my license is if i get a girlfriend i have to bring her around. That's probably the only reason, which is right now my driving motivation - i'm doing this for myself, not b/c she told me to. In my head before (in those situations with my dad and sister), I think to them "Go fuck yourself."

I hanged out with a friend (af) that i didn't hang out with before for a long time, and it was fun...he's a really funny guy. But the second time i hung out with him he was a real jackass. It stayed in my head that "people don't change at all...". I invited him and some friends to a pub, and a friend gets in...the other two, including af, didn't get in, and he blames ME. I told him that they dont check IDs there, and he blames me for not getting in...in my head, out of the four of us, he looks the most like he's from elementary (by the way he dresses). He LATEr admits that his "jacket" made him look young...wtf, his whole outfit makes him look young. Some of the things he does makes me laugh...but I'm not so sure if they're jokes anymore. "let's go get some girls...let's pick up some chicks...let's go to parties and get drunk" WTF, he looks nothing like the type to say that. I thought he used to be really funny, but now that i dont think they're jokes anymore, he just puts off as a REALLY desperate guy. During the second hangout, hanging out with him made me feel like a loser...it's what he does, which is so dweeb-ish, and it makes me feel ashamed just hanging out with him. I'm not gonna hang out with him again unless necessary ><. That kind of vibe tends to rub off on u.

Since after busting my foot, staying at home hasn't been very productive, but it reminds me of a time of what i always used to do: just stay home and play video games. After i got over that phase, I use to think "why did i not ever go outside before?". After today, i think "How, staying inside is kinda nice!". I got alot of relaxing time done...videogames, food...computer. I know it sounds geeky, but this was teh most relaxing day in a long time. I got to play alot of this game i like, and i'm loving it the more i play it. What a great game, "Beyong good and evil." Great game, time well spent =)

This is something i've been thinking about for a while now: "you really know who your true friends are if they want/willing to hang out with you". This friend of mine, who i considered a friend for a while now, I've been inviting her to hang out, but always always always she has some very poor excuse. Now, I usually value kindness, but the truth would've been just as good here: just tell me you don't want to hang out with me. I stopped talkin to her..b/c really, what;s the point? Yes, she was a girl i used to like. And yes, we did have fun times toghter. But, is it worth keepin the friendship alive when she wants nothing to do with me? My gawd. Don't waste my time. Grow up. This is the reason why i stopped liking her: she was very immature. She could not take anythign seriously. One of the things I think about is this: you can'T laugh off everything bad that gets thrown at you. Sometimes, you just gotta suck it up. I dont like ppl like that, people who just don't want to experience discomfort so they "laugh it off". Those people are in denial. I don't want anythign to do with them. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. I want friends who aren't ashame of me and are willing to hang out with me. I don't want friends who beat around the bush. I want to add something to that statement i mentioned: "you really know who your true friends are if they want/willing to hang out with you, and you want to hang out with them back." I'm applying this to af - af is not a true friend, b/c, frankly, i don't want to hang out with him.

After my foot heals up, I want to get exercising regulary and working (job) regularly. I want to make this summer productive (at the very least money-wise), and of course fun. I cannot wait for the ubc summer grappling tourney, the wrestling camp, and the mma seminar by the silver Canadian olympian Sissaouri, who i've watched today and who i adore. What a technician - smaller (in height) and oler than his opponents, yet he dominates them with technique. Fun to watch. I'm planning to train with a friend i haven't spoken to in a while, and i'm excited for that too: just can't wait to roll around on a matt again. Goin to be fun.

These are just some of my thoughts. Hope my foot heals so i get my summer goin!